Pulse, Clara

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Play Pulse
Author Stacey Lane
Role Clara 

(Lights come on CLARA, a vision
of angelic loveliness, standing
center stage.)

CLARA
The day my best friend died, it rained. It was as if the Heavens themselves were –

(In the audience, a cell phone
begins to ring. CLARA is noticeably
startled by the phone, but presses
on, speaking louder over the ringing.)

– crying, mourning the loss of one so young and so innocent. But I shed no-

(The phone continues to ring.)

Oh, my God! You’ve got to be kidding me! Well, is somebody going to answer that? I can’t believe the nerve of- Hello! We’re waiting! We’re all watching. Answer your damn cell phone! If there is anything in the world that pisses me off more as an actor, as an audience member-hell as a human being, it is cell phones in the theatre.

(The cell phone is still ringing.)

Are you gonna get that? In case you didn’t notice, you’re interrupting my performance. Here I am bearing my heart and soul and- Do you people not listen to the twenty announcements they make about turning off your cell phones? Do you not have the common sense to know that I’m trying to perform here and that ringing is going to distract me and everybody around you? Do you not- Answer your phone!

(Crossing into the house on a
rampage searching for the phone.
The ringing is coming from a
purse planted under a seat in the
house.)

Where is it? What? You’re too embarrassed to answer your phone now? Want me to answer it for you? I bet it’s important! It better be considering that you just interrupted- You know we all hate you. Every single person in this theatre hates you right now! God! Make it stop ringing!

(CLARA locates the planted purse,
grabs it, and rushes back to
the stage. She dumps the contents
of the purse onto the stage floor
and locates the ringing phone. She
hurls it to the ground and then
stomps and jumps on it until she
is satisfied it will never ring
again. She kicks the pieces of
cell phone and purse contents out
of the way, takes a deep breath,
and returns to her opening pose.)

The day my best friend died, it rained. It was –

(In the audience, a cell phone
begins to ring out in an annoying
musical tone. CLARA looks out,
with a mixture of loathing and
disbelief, as lights quickly fade
to black.)

CONTACT THE AUTHOR STACEY LANE AT STACEYLANEINK@YAHOO.COM OR WWW.STACEYLANEINK.COM FOR PERFORMANCE RIGHTS. FREE PERFORMANCE RIGHTS WILL BE GRANTED FOR AUDITIONS AND EDUCATIONAL USE, BUT PLEASE STILL LET THE PLAYWRIGHT KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE USING THE PIECE.

Posted in Author, Comedic Female Monologues, Monologues for Kids, Play, Quotes and One Liners, Role | Tagged , , , , , ,

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